


Simply Paradise

by mjm_6



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV), Deran and Adrian
Genre: Anger, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Confusion, M/M, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:37:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjm_6/pseuds/mjm_6
Summary: Follow up to "We can't be that simple"Deran manages to finally make his way down to Belize in hopes at getting another chance at working things out with Adrian. Can love concure all or will these two lost and confused lovers find that time does not heal all wounds and sometimes it's best to learn to let go and move on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deran

The water is perfect and the waves are amazing. I take to the ocean like a kid at Christmas morning. We all paddle out behind the birthday girl who's all but forgotten her guest and focuses on showing off her talent. Craig, Baz, and I hang back and watch her catch the very first wave like a pro. She emerges from the other side of the monster wave with the cocky grin and hollers out something before diving into the water. 

Craig and Baz laugh as I watch in amazement. 

"Did you see that?" I ask open mouthed. They both nod, whistle, and cheer as Lena makes her way over to us. 

"So Uncle Deran, you think I got what it takes? Do I have the skills?" She asks with confidence and sass. 

"You're amazing princess. You have so much more coordination than what I had at your age. I knew you were good by what Craig has told me, but I'm speechless."

I really am. I still saw Lena as the small 7 year old girl I remembered her as. She was so shy and quiet I guess I never imagined she'd grow into being so independent. Still sweet and girly, but also saw so much of Adrian and in her. 

I saw his warm heart in her. His love for the water and respect for surfing. I saw Adrian's confidence reflecting out of Lena. 

She beamed at my praise and blushed slightly. "Thanks Uncle Deran. It's all thanks to dad. We come out every morning before school and sometimes after we close down the shop. He's the best." 

She glances back to the beach and looks around at her guests. "I thought he'd be out here with us. I wonder where he went." Her face dropping slightly when she doesn't spot him instantly. 

"Hes probably entertaining your guests while you entertain us, Beautiful. Don't worry about it I'm sure he's around." Craig says trying to abate her worries. 

It doesn't completely but before she thinks on it too much she's paddling furiously back out to the catch another wave. We watch her ride it out and let her friends swim out to meet her. 

My eyes are still roaming the beach in search of Adrian. My heart dropping to my stomach with guilt. He should be out here enjoying these moments with Lena. Nothing would make Adrian happier than seeing Lena happy. It killed me knowing I was the reason he was not present. 

"Don't worry about it man," Craig says playfully punching my shoulder. "He probably just went to get some more grub or the cake." 

Lena calls out catching our attention, riling Craig up for the next wave that drags him under almost the same instant he got on his board. Lena and her friends laugh and holler out as Craig emerges with a childlike grin on his face. 

"Yeah, that was for you birthday girl!" He yelled out laughing which only makes Lena laugh harder.

Baz sits quietly observing their easy banter and mutual love for one another. There's a small look of regret in his eyes and a forced smile when he looks back at me. 

"She so happy. Craig makes her happy… and you being here, wow". Baz sighs and looks around taking in a deep breath. "Adrian's amazing to her. Best father I know, better than the one I had."

I listen not really needing the confirmation. We all knew Adrian was better than all of us. We were lucky that he loved Lena in spite of us. He was everything good and pure Lena needed to survive our family. They didn't need us, but we were happy to have this small piece of "family".

"I don't think he's too happy with me being here. Maybe it wasn't the perfect time to come."

"You plan on staying?"

"Gotta talk to him first." 

"You're kidding right, what you're gonna ask for permission?" Baz laughs not believing his ears. "Don't worry so much. Lena wants you here, he won't say no. That and I can bet on my balls that he wants you here just as much, but won't admit it." 

Baz splashes water on my face playfully getting me out of my thoughts before challenging me to the next wave. 

Although I'm the fittest I've been in all my years. There's not much to do in prison but exercise your mind and your body. I'm toned but my body feels the burn as I make my way to the beach with the rest of the party crew. Muscles that I haven't used for surfing burn and ache. I'm panting as I slam my sore body onto a small sandbank looking over at Lena's family and friends. 

Finally spotting Adrian and my heart jump starts all over again. The sun is starting to set but his features are still well lit and visible. He sporting a proud father smile as he starts singing Happy Birthday in queue for everyone to sing along before Lena blows out her 13 candles. 

For anyone there Adrian might look happy and unaffected but I know him. I see the tension on his shoulders and concern in his eyes. He's avoiding eye contact and looking down, focusing all too much on cutting the cake. I'm too occupied and enthrall trying to catch every single change and hear his voice and laughter no matter how forced it sounds that I don't even see the man or the beer he is offering me.

"Hi, looked like you needed a drink." I take it assuming he's a guest at the party. 

"Thanks man."

He smiles and nods then sits without being asked to. "She looks really happy. I take she didn't know you were coming?" 

I finally look at him.. Really look him over, and before I ask he's answering my unspoken question. "I'm Antonio. You're Deran, right?"

I just nod. "How do you know who I am?"

"Adrian. Lena. Craig." He laughs and takes a drink of his soda. "They''ve been waiting for you. Even if some won't admit it."

"Excuse me?"

Antonio raises his hands in mock surrender and smiles sadly. "There is no competition. I didn't have a chance, not even with your memory. Take care of him." 

He offers me his hand and shakes mine. Question swarm my mind. I want to ask so many things all at once but also want to throw up and punch this guy who i'm assuming was once in a relationship with Adrian. My Adrian, but I can't. There's too much sincerity in his eyes and in his voice. In his defeat. 

He's attractive and I see why Adrian would give him a chance. It still rubs me wrong knowing he's been around Adrian with other intentions then friendship on his mind. Hell, it's been 6 years and I new Adrian wouldn't live like a monk. I hadn't expected him to, but it kills me knowing I was right. It hurts knowing I wasn't the last man to touch or kiss Adrian.

I couldn't really judge him either. Even I had a couple of rounds with a couple of guys before coming here with the new plan and mindset. It wasn't right and it didn't feel right eithern but a man has needs. 

I watch him walk away and greet Craig genuinely happy and laughing along with my brother. It's ridiculous how I even want to stake claim over my brother when I see the ease he has around my family. As I see Lena hug him happily and cling to him a little to long. Then I'm fuming as I see him and Adrian disappear into the lot with parked cars. 

Tree branches covering them from my view even as I strain my neck to find them. Craig stops me in my tracks as I take a few steps towards where they disappeared. 

"Hey D, it's cool. He's leaving man." 

"Was that the guy, or one of the guys he seeing?" I sound angry and shaky even to my ears but focus on Craig. 

He nods. "I think they were together in his eyes, but Adrian wasn't really on board with that." Craig says scratching his neck nervously. 

"What? What does that even mean?" 

"It doesn't matter, D. He's not even in the picture anymore. Even when he was, Adrian…" Craig searches for the words but gives up exasperated. "It doesn't matter, you're here and you're getting him back. Now come on, Lena keeps asking for you and she wants to take some pictures." 

We make our way back to the joyous crowd and Lena immediately clings to me. Everyone's talking over each other and it's hard to follow directions and all the flashing lights as people snap pictures around us. 

"Daddy!" Lena waves Adrian over excitedly holding me in place while Adrian makes his way through the crowd. His smile is a little forced and he still avoiding my eyes but I'm happily glued to my spot. Anxiously waiting for him to come closer.

"Family picture time!" Lena sqweels waving Craig and even Baz over a little awkwardly. Adrian takes her camera and is about to take the picture when Lena blocks to lens and demands him to stand next to her. "Seriously daddy!" Lena rolls her eyes and smiles. 

"Where do you want me beautiful?" He asks and moves into place next to her right side while I occupy her left leaving Craig and Baz behind us. 

There's a buzz in the air and a pull to Adrian's clean scent. Lena squeezes us closer making Adrian let out a genuine laugh before the first of many flashes come to life. We're all laughing as Craig and Lena make funny faces. Then I feel a shock as my fingers find Adrian's warm arm around Lenas shoulders right before I make the same gesture. 

I allow my fingers to linger there a moment before Adrian steps away awkwardly taking the camera and directing her friends to get into the frame. I stand by and just watch him closely. Every warm smile he gives Lena. How amazing of a parent he is and how he dotes on her. It's incredible to see. 

The flashing lights end with the last of the sunset and all adults scatter around and help clean up the remainder of the party while Lena says goodbye to her friends. Mrs.Adam's makes her way to me and hugs me before kissing my cheek gently and tucks my hair behind my ears like she did when I was younger. 

She's always been warm and sweet. Her character much like her son's. She pats my cheek gently and hugs me again a little more tighter this time. "It's good to have you back son. Make it for good this time." She winks and walks over to her husband. Both making their way down the path to Adrian's house. 

It doesn't take long before Lena's last guest says their goodbyes. Baz, Craig, and myself collect the last pieces of umbrellas, chairs, and tables and follow Adrian and Lena to the small working shed next to the house. Craig and Baz know their way around and put away the furniture in their place while I stand around awkwardly waiting for direction. 

The guys are busy examining Lenas board and pictures and I take the oppurtunity to claim Adrian's attention. 

"Hey man, where do you want these?"

I see Adrian's face go pale before his ears turn a bright shade of red and it creeps down to his neck. He looks around nervously avoiding my eyes, still not redy to acknowledge me and quietly says just choose a spot and walks away joining Craig, Lena, and Baz. 

It's not a conversation starter, but at least he didn't completely ignore me. It hurts nonetheless, so I just lean the torches against the wall and start heading out to give Adrian the space he clearly needs. 

"Uncle Deran, you're not staying?" Lena asks with a saddened face. 

I want to stay; do I ever, but looking at Adrian panicked expression makes my decision. Thankfully Baz picks up on my hesitation and Adrian's displeasure of having me around and chimes in.

"It's actually pretty early to call it a night, maybe you can come over and kick Derans ass on the PS4 like you do us. Of course, if it's cool with Adrian."

Lenas' mood immediately shifts into excitement. "Dad can we go play, I bet I can kick your butt too."

Adrian considers it or does a show of acting like he is before he gives her permission but uses his parents being home alone as an excuse to stay behind. 

Lena promises not to stay long then jumps on my back talking a mile a minute, challenging me. Baz and Craig follow behind laughing and joking along with Lena. I try to joke along with them but my heart and thoughts are left behind with Adrian.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrian

I watch them walk away. Lena beyond happy with the missing piece to her happy family. It's not jealousy I feel. I'm happy that she has something that I could not give her. I knew she missed her relationship with Deran. I was more than aware of it, but I didn't expect to feel so out of place. So conflicted with wanting to have the same missing piece in my life. 

Why was he here? Was he here to stay? Why did I want him so close but far away at the same time? I shouldn't let my guard down and definitely not let him back in...but why did I want to so badly? 

As much as I had always tried to keep Deran's family at bay. Half of my life to be exact, and in matter of 6 years his brothers had become my family. His family had been blended into mine. How could I separate Deran from them when he'd been the reason my family had grown to what it presently was. Perfect in all its flaws; we became a family. 

After loving Deran the way I had loved him, after all these years, could I see him and love him like I do Craig? I didn't think it possible. I don't even want to try. Fact is that he is here whether I like it or not. I was unsure if it was a good or bad thing, but if it made Lena happy I wouldn't oppose it. 

I could, however, stay away from him until I was clear of what my real feelings were. What he wanted as well as what I wanted and needed. Leave it to Deran to break my heart and bring it back to life again. He always held that power over me, and still it ached to be near him. See him. Hear him. 

Back inside the house I know my parents have called it a night. It's barely 9:30 but it's been a busy day. I'm tempted to swallow my pride and drop in on my neighbors but decide against it and keep my mind and hands busy working on some boards. It's all consuming. 

I get lost in the process of sanding and let my hands do their all too familiar work and lose track of time and don't even hear the footsteps behind me or the shorter man standing besides me. I do, however, feel his hand jolt and burn my left arm as he gently pats my arm to catch my attention. My body instantly knowing its Deran before I see him. 

He stumbles back and apologizes for startling me, or at least that's what I think he saying when I forget to turn off the sander or pull my headphones off. I simply stare not really knowing what to do next. 

It takes Deran a minute to stop talking and leans around me to turn off the sander and patiently waits for me to take my headphones and mask off. 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you. I just figured you'd be worried Lena's not home yet… I saw a light still on and figured i'd walk over to tell you she crashed on the couch." Deran ends his explanation by nervously tucking his hands away into his cargo short. 

I register what he's just said and look at my watch. Is nearly 1:00 a.m. and I suddenly feel the tension from the day on my shoulders. "Sorry, I didn't realize it was so late. Did she fall asleep waiting for me?" 

"No. She's been asleep for a while. Craig says she got her own room there. I just figured I'd let you know so you wouldn't worry. Is it OK if she stays in night or should I…"

"Naw, that's cool. She usually stays with Craig a couple nights whenever he comes down here. I'm sure she'd like to see you in the morning."

"Yeah, man. I'd love to see her and spend more time with her. She is...she's amazing Adrian. You're an amazing father to her. She is very lucky to have you." He is rambling searching for words to say to keep this conversation going.

"Um thanks." It's too late to have this conversation, but it's better to get it out of the way. "So how long you staying, when you heading back?"

It comes out sounding intrusive and I see Deran's taken aback by a my forwardness. 

He bites nervously at his bottom lip and follows behind me until he has my complete attention. "I kinda wanted to talk to you about that if that's OK."

"Me? About what?" I'm curious but I try not to show it. Not give anything away. 

"How would you feel if I decided to say? Permanently." 

"Why does it matter what I think? It's your life you can do whatever. You've always made that pretty clear." I slam my tool box a little too hard causing him to slightly jump and put his head down hiding. "How are you even here?" I finally ask him straight on. "Did you escape or did you bail on your parole?"

He shakes his head No and looks up at me through hooded eyes. "I've been out almost a whole year. I was hoping to finish out my parole here." 

"What's the catch? What do you need for me?" 

"I need to find a job within a month to report back to my PO. Craig is letting me stay with him. I just want to be close to family. Close to Lena...to you."

We both hold our breath at his last words. 

"Adrian please say something. If this is asking for too much, if you don't want me to stay. Please just tell me." 

I'm so angry I can feel myself shaking. I see his eyes clouded with tears and he looks so vulnerable that I want to comfort him. Make it all better, but what comes out my mouth is the complete opposite. 

"You asshole! You've been out for almost a year and you decide to show up just now? You selfish prick!" I eat up the distance between us quickly and push him hard enough for him to lose his balance and stumble back before catching himself on the wall. 

His expression changes to hurt, or confusion, or both. And still I can't seem to stop my assault on him. Keep pushing him and breathing my anger down on to his beautiful face. 

"You come here after being out... you want me to decide whether you should stay or go! You wait a fucking year to be closer to Lena? A year!" I don't even feel my tears rolling down my face. "Do you know how much she cried, how much she needed you?"

I feel his hands cup my face; cradling it gently between his hands as his tears roll down freely too. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeats. His sweet breath fanning my face.

"Do you know how much I needed you?" I admit. Hating myself for admitting it to him. I'm a broken mess in front of him but so is he. We were each other's missing piece; only able to be put back together by each other's hands. 

"Adrian I'm here. I'm here. I couldn't stay away any longer. It killed me staying away this long. I can't do it anymore. I love you. I need you Adrian. Don't make me go, I need to be close to you. I love you so much!" 

I listen carefully, clinging to every word that keeps breathing life back into my broken heart and dead soul. The words I've been waiting and needing to here to live again. I listen and want to believe them so much, but after 6 years of silence and being pushed away it's hard to believe. 

I pull away, needing space and air, but he's there crowding me. Luring me into his arms. Burning my skin with his rough hands. Then I make the mistake of breathing him in. His all too familiar smell. This is where I was meant to be, in his arms. 

He hugs me close, both our hearts and pulses racing away. His worm breath fanning my neck as his blonde locks tickle my face. All too familiar. I let myself run my fingers through his hair and he closes his eyes savoring my touch. 

His arms now much more bigger then I remember wrap-around my waist as he pulls me closer to him. At my close inspection of his face I can see scars that were not there before. Scars that I want to ask about as I slowly trace the scar disappearing into his hairline and the one above his eyebrow. 

"It's OK baby they don't hurt anymore." He answers my unasked question and wipes the tears rolling down my face. 

I kiss any scar I see and he quietly hums in appreciation and begins to rutt against me. His lips finding my neck and sucking gently, making me shudder and grind desperately down against his growing erection. We're both panting like two teenagers, each desperate for one another. 

He looks up flushed, pupils fully blown and perfect and I finally lean down, lick his bottom lip before vehemently kissing him. We don't hold back. Its soft at first, gentle and sweet before it turns demanding. Teeth clashing and tongue chasing. 

Deran pulls way teasingly as he begins to make his way into my shorts and strokes my straining and all too sensitive dick. I feel my knees buckle and he's there holding me up with one knee between my legs as he proficiently strokes me.

 

"I missed you baby. Every seconnd of every day. I love you Adrian." He speaks into my ear saying that perfect words and building up me up. 

I'm clinging to Deran, barely breathing and he keeps his deliberate pace of exquisite torture. It's embarrassing how I whimper and moan as I get closer and closer to my climax. 

"That's it baby. I'm here. I'm heren I'm all yours... you feel me?" He waits for my answer and I quickly nod. He's teasing me and he's loving every minute of it. 

"Deran. Argh! Please!" I sound desperate but I don't care I just want release. 

"I'm here. I know baby, you like the way I touch you.? You're mine Adrian. You know that right? I'm yours and you're mine. It's just you and me, right baby?" 

I can hear his ragged breathing. He's as close as I am and I haven't even touched him back. I bite his shoulder and he moans. 

"Give it to me baby, come for me." And I do it. Hot streak spilling into his hand as he continues to stroke my sensitive dick. Never stopping his loving words or caresses. 

He holds me up with his body smiling shyly up at me. "Mine," he whispers on my lips before kissing me once again. 

When we're both calm enough to stand without assistance of one another it hits me what we just did and yet had not settled anything. I want to kiss him and pretend that the 6 years between us were nonexistent, but they happened. 

Deran tries to pull me closer to him but I pull away. "I think it's best if you go." 

The once sweet smile he wore fades away and he tries once again to get closer to me, only stopping when i place my hand on his chest to keep him at arm's length. 

"Adrian, please don't do this. I love you." He holds my hand close to his heart with both his hands. "Please."

"I just think we need some time to think things over Deran. Please its late we can talk another day."

He kisses the inside of my palm before he lets my hand go. "You need time?...I'm yours Adrian. We're not done. I know you love me as much as I love you. Please don't give up on us."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deran

"Another day" turns into 8 whole days of avoidance and complete silence from the only person I want to hear from. Well, besides Lena. She comes over as much as she's allowed and even invites me to catch up with her and Adrian when they catch their early morning surf. I know it's their special time and I can't bring myself to interrupt their routine. 

The waves are always the best early in the morning; and even though I crave to ride them, I settle for seeing the two people I love most enjoy the waves without a care in the world. I take my place at the closest hidden sand dune on the beach and listen to their sweet laughter and watch their beautiful smiles light up their face as the sun kisses their faces. 

It's in these rare occasion that my heart settles and feels whole again. I have nothing to do with their happiness, but I get to witness it. It is there ,at that specific moment, when I have my toes in the sand and I can feel the sun warm my skin when I am happiest. When I can allow myself to forget all my unanswered questions and what ifs and only allow my heart to slowly mend itself with the breathtaking view ahead of me. 

"Waves look good don't they?" Craig startles me as he stands his board on the sand next to me and squats down to my level. "You talked to him yet?"

We're both looking out at Adrian who's riding a wave expertly. "I tried. Said he needed time." I don't give Craig specifics to what our "conversation" really entailed but he doesn't ask more about it. Clearly seeing my hesitation in elaborating. 

"He'll come around, man. Don't worry about it. I can always talk to him about it though, you got a little less than three weeks to send everything to your PO." 

I hear the concern in his voice. Yet another sign of my older brother growing into his own. Displaying his nature despite our nature being raised as a Cody. We have all finally cut the cord to Smurf. All the threds and worries of our failure without her clearly long gone from our psyche. We can now show emotions other than anger, bitterness, and violence.

"It's cool man, I'll talk to him soon." 

With that Craig makes his way down to the inviting waves, catching Lena's eyes instantly. I sit there a while longer before making my way back home to get mentally ready to talk to Adrian about the inevitable. 

It's not too busy of a day . It's only Monday and school is out so a lot of the locals are enjoyin their morning before a plethora of vacationers hit the beach and stores all around a beautiful island. 

My walk to Simply Paradise is short even after I stop to have breakfast at a small open air restaurant. By the time I make it to Adrians' shop there are more than a few families renting out boats, jet-skis and boards. The high school kid working the front desk is trying his best to dispatch customers as fast as he can and finally yells out to the back room for help. 

Adrian emerges with the blinding smile and I watch in admiration at the pride he shows in his business. The entire atmosphere is inviting and family friendly. Personal touches of Lena and his here and there. A local activity bulletin board is posted with sign up sheets and invitations to other local businesses. All indicating that they are no longer Californians but proud residence of Placencia, Belize. 

Finally after almost thirty minutes the line dies down and I make myself present to him. He doesn't smile or seem happy to see me, but he does invite me to his office. He closes the door and walks around his desk to face me. 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to keep you waiting so long. What did you need to talk to me about?" He sounds detached. Keeping all the emotions out of the way, almost uninterested. 

"I was hoping to talk to you about..."

" Craig told me a couple of days ago you were in need of a job. It's one of your conditions for your parole?" 

He asks; clearlyalredy knowing one of the reasons I'm here, but not the important one. Without waiting for my reply he's taking out a clipboard and attaches an application to it before handing it to me with his business face on. 

"Pay is decent. Hours or 9-5. We're closed on Sundays. If you're cool with the part time I can schedule you in, but business will pick up so that may change." Adrian shoots out the facts so fast and forward that he doesn't even give me a chance to ask anything before he leaves me alone to fill out the application. 

It's not what I was expecting, but at least he's not throwing me out on my ass. I complete filling out the application before he walks in to answer the phone. He so cold and collected, so impersonal. It's so unlike Adrian that I wonder if the person I knew us still in there? 

I study him awhile longer and closer. He's all business at the moment, completely unaware of my roaming eyes. He has more freckles than what I remember, but they're still beautiful to me. His shoulders and back are broader and more built, and his hair grown out and almost as blonde as mine. The sun clearly lightening it through the years. 

I hadn't noticed before and I hated that I'd missed that very big detail. Maybe it had been the fact that he'd come straight here from surfing, but his hair look perfectly wind blown. Reminding me of our years, before he started competing and he began to keep his hair short and ditched his surfer lock's. 

He pulls out order files and invoices while I stare. Everything about him similar to what I remember but slightly changed. His skin finally tanned and far from the typical pinkish/reddish color he'd usually get from too much sun. Only thing that hadn't changed where his calloused hands. They were still chapped and ragged from all his board sanding and buffing. 

He accomplished everything he set out to do and more. He was a successful business owner and an incredible father.

He hangs up abruptly and asked for the application. "Okay," he says skimming the pages. "What kind of proof do you need to send out to your PO? If you start tomorrow that first week will stay in the books, but I can send your pay stub electronicly and directly to him. Would that be enough for documentation?,"

"Yeah. That should cover it."

"Cool. I'll get you a shirt. Dress code is pretty relaxed. Samuel will be showing you the ropes, but if you want to earn a little extra cash, some hotels offer surfing lessons-as do we. All you have to do is take a 8 hour class on safety, first aid and CPR l. I'm sure you'll qualify with your experience."

I process all the information as I watch Adrian look through a locker in his office in search of my uniform. He pulls out a few polo shirts and holds them up to size me up before going to the larger sizes. 

"I don't remember you ever being so bulked up." 

I'm not sure if it's a compliment or simple observation, I only wish for him to make eye contact, but he doesn't. He hands me two polo shirts with his shop's logo on them, but doesn't even acknowlege me. I stand up redy to leave but he stops me. Maybe they're still hope. 

"Deran, can you please bring in any information you have on your PO so I can forward everything he needs." Again, he says it focusing on the paperwork on his desk and not on me. My heart drops even further. Maybe my decision to stay is not in the best interests at all. 

"Sure thing. Thanks again, Adrian. See you tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrian

I don't look up from my desk till I'm sure Deran is definitely gone from the building. I know we still had things to discuss and settle, but not before I knew what I wanted. I wasn't even sure if I wanted him working for me. 

Of course, I still felt that pull to him. I still wanted him sexually; but could I handle him leaving once again? So much was up in the air that needed confirmation, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. Would he tell me or push me away?

Now he'd be around every day at work. A couple of feet away from home. Present in my everyday life. Hopefully I'd be able to keep level headed and professional until we figured everything out. 

When I got home that night Lena was more than excited about Derans' first day at work the following day. She wanted to celebrate and asked if her uncles and Baz could come over for dinner. I couldn't refuse and didn't want to put a dent in their celebration, so after helping her cook I apologized and excused myself saying that i'd forgotten i'd already made plans. 

Lena didn't buy it, but she didn't ask any more questions. I waited until I saw the guys make their way to the door and very hurriedly explained what I had told Lena and asked them to make themselves at home. Baz seemed unfazed, and Craig was disappointed, but I couldn't look at Deran as I backed out of the driveway. 

I contemplated calling Antonio, but it fell selfish and wrong to use him as a distraction or just hear any of his suggestions to my current situation. So I ate out and had a few beers before Lena texted me three hours later letting me know that the house was empty and she was ready for bed. 

The house was dark as I pulled up twenty-five minutes later. Only a few lights were still on and I quietly made my way inside. I knew Craig probably stayed over as to not leave Lena alone, so I headed straight to her room to check on her. She was safely asleep and I turned off her small desk lamp before making my way quietly to my room for a cold shower and sleep.

I didn't bother turning on my bedroom lights and headed straight into the shower. Almost suure that Craig would hear the water and quit rummaging the fridge and head back home knowing I had made it home. 

The cool water felt delicious against my damp skin. It massaged my head as the cold stream eased the tension headache building up all day. Would tomorrow be the same? I hung my head and let the water cascade down my back and chest. Hoping the temperature would alleviate slight strain I felt below my waist as I thought of Deran. 

Stroking myself a few times thinking of how perfect his breath fell on my face. How his eyes pierced into me. I thought about how much I still wanted him even as I tried for his presence not to effect me. Turning the cold water on full blast hoping it took my mind off of the only person I've been thinking about. Huffing and shaking a little at the ice temperature cooling off my hot skin. 

After 10 minutes I emerge, not so much renewed, but less distressed. I wrap a towel around my waist and walk out with the hand towel drying my hair. Its not the dim light that startles me as I step into my bedroom, but the big shadow sitting on my bed that does it. 

Jumping back, I almost lose my towel and laugh holding it in place. "Jesus, Craig. You scared the shit out of me. Sorry man, I needed a shower, you didn't have to wait;but thanks for watching Lena." 

I make my way to the dresser and pull out some shorts and pull them up under my towel, but when I turn around the person standing is a foot shorter than Craig. I instantly know who it is. 

"You're avoiding me. You said you needed time. Okay. So how much longer do you need before you can look me in the eyes?"

He sounds hurt and I expected angry. "We still need to talk, Adrian. Please don't keep running for me."

I laugh. "It's ironic, isn't it? That's usually what you do." Deran steps closer and I walk around him, still avoiding to turn on the lights. Especially in my bedroom. It's too personal and I can't look at him with the bed between us. 

"I'm not avoiding you okay. Didn't I hire you today, how is that avoiding you?" I'm irked because now we have to talk and not by my initiation. 

"Follow me downstairs. I don't want to wake Lena." He follows obediently and quietly. 

I turn the kitchen lights on feeling Deran at my heels. I take 2 beers out the fridge and set his on the kitchen island and walk to the opposit side. Clearly placing space between us. "So talk." 

"You don't want me here do you?" Deran asks with a broken expression. "You can tell me if you prefer me to go, Adrian. I don't want to make your life a living hell."

I consider his words. "Is that a question or a statement Deran? I guess I'm just confused with all of this. Epecially, why I have to a say in your staying for going. I've had things perfectly clear for 6 years. Now you're here and...what exactly do you want?"

We stare at each other contemplating the murky water we've created. That he's created, because I've always had it clear. We were done, over, and dead. 

"I want to stay, but not if it means making you miserable. Craig said he proposed a business expansion. We can invest and be a family business."

"That conversation was between Craig and me. If I even considered it, it was because he made the changes. He moved down here for Lena. I wanted to help him."

I know I take Deran by surprise because it sounds like rejection even to my ears. But it was the truth. Craig and Baz were clean and done with doing their old jobs, and if Lena could have any semblance of a normal family I was trying to give it to her. 

"Yeah, I know he told me. Thing is...I sold my bar, Adrian. Made a good profit out of it to." 

"I remember. You have something to fall back on."

"No you don't get it, Adrian. Craig invested some of that money after he sold the bar with my permission. The property he owns here is under his name but technically mine. The proposition he made to you was not only his investment, but also mine."

It all started to make sense. How did I not see all of this. Of course, they'd find a way to manipulate me into taking Deran back. 

"When I came here. I wanted to come and make a home. Be with my family. Have a peaceful life." Deran speaks while he slowly stalks towards me.

"Well, congratulations. You've accomplished your goal. You have a home a couple yards away. Your brothers and your niece are here for you. And you can start your life with the money you got for selling the bar. Hell, you don't need me. You could open up your own business, you did it once." 

"I don't have anything because I don't have you, Adrian. I have a house, but your my home. You've always been home for me. I have my family that I have been born into, but you were the family I chose. My best friend." He talks so quietly that he hypnotizes me with the softness in his voice. 

"I might have the money to live a peaceful life, but you are my peace. I've built my future, my happiness, and my world around you can you not understand that. My life. My world does not work if you're not besides me. I learned it the hard way and it took me 6 years, but I'm finally where I need to be."

He's saying all the right words but I can't believe them. 

"You say that now, but once life gets a little hard or your brothers or Smurf needs you; you'll change your mind. You'll..."

" STOP!. I won't. Hell, they won't either. Can't you see that? They've had opportunity after opportunity to go back to doing jobs, but have they?"

"No." Of course, because they knew I wouldn't let them come around Lena. "No, because of Lena."

"Yes, because of her, but also because of you, Adrian. You've shown them another side to family. Life. Love. Don't you see you've not only changed my life, but there's too." He's panting as he speaks.

"Don't you see how your love changes everything it touches. You've changed me and you didn't even know it. It's my fault because I fucked up so many times, but what I feel for you has never changed or faltered."

He so close I can feel his warmth radiating off of him. It surrounds all my senses as a breath in the scent of him. It contorts and contracts my heart painfully as I try my best to remain strong and undisturbed; until his strong hands touch my neck almost too tenderly. 

"Tell me you feel it. I can't hide my love for you anymore than you can, Adrian."

I swallow down what I really want to say. What I want to scream. Yes, I see and feel everything he's confessed. I've missed him and needed him more than he'll ever know these past 6 years. That he's been my home and entire life way before he even admitted to himself what I meant to him. But that does not change what has kept us apart. 

It does not mend a broken heart or bring back time. It most definitely does not guarantee I will ever get past his constant abandonment, rejection, and indecisiveness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys this is a very short chapter. Not really feeling it but decided to post it anyways. Probably needs editing but I'll ge to it.

He looks lost and confused. My words and confession do nothing to break the the defensive wall Adrian's manage to build-up throughout our years. Only this time it does not shake, crack, or crumble. My ability to melt his resistance; like when we were young, completely non existent. The fear that once shown through his eyes at the damage my fists and words could once destroy; replaced with his unwillingness to back down and believe anything that came from me. 

His words from years ago now repeating in a torturous cycle in my head. Making me feel like that insecure boy/man still hiding from Smurf, myself, and the world.  
"You can't make me feel something I don't. "

Those words hurt and slowly kill me more than they did when he first spoke them to me. Not because I knew they now rang true,but because I once had him all. Body, mind, and soul; and through my stubbornness and ambivalent way of making decisions completely failed Adrian. 

It's all there in his somber eyes. His unwillingness to give an inch of himself or opening himself up again to more disappointments. At least not with me. I saw I didn't have his love, but did I lose his friendship as well?

How do I begin to ask that question when his answer terrifies me more than the actual question? 

It's quiet all around us except for the sound of my laboured breathing. My world has shattered into pieces and I'm beyond myself that I can still breath. Trying my best not to resort to begging him for a third? Forth? Fifth chance?

He takes a drink from his almost empty bottle and we're back to a semblance of "familiar ground". I don't know if it's because he sees the questions I have playing out in my head or maybe some part of him is still connected to me. 

"If you stay, do it for yourself, or Lena and your brothers. Everything between us was said and finished the day I left. You made it perfectly clear." He raises his eyebrow in a challenging manner and I take the bait. 

"So we're done....and so is our friendship? "

He snarls in disgust and laughs forcefully. "I can't be your punching bag anymore. I dont want to be your consolation prize either. We both know I was more of a friend to you than you were ever mine. 

It's a blow below the belt, but mostly true. "Yeah. I was always the asshole, but I guess we switched roles. " I try to laugh it off but we both hear the pain behind it. 

"You have a job. This island is big enough to meet new people and make new friends. " he takes the chance to slam his empty bottle into the trashcan before he makes his final blow. "You and me," he says waving his hand between us, "we'll never be the people or have the friendship we once had. We grew up. It's time to move on; don't you think? "

Its meant to be a rhetorical question and I have all the intention of arguing it, but I don't. My instinct to run kicks in but my feet are frozen to the ground I'm standing on. 

I watch him make his way towards the stairs. Then he turns back to dismiss me. 

"Thanks for staying with Lena tonight. Job is still yours if you want it. Front door's locked but the kitchen door leads straight to your house. Later, man."

It's a colossal brush off and I deserve it. It hurts more than I'd ever imagine. I down the almost full beer that is now warm and flat, and manage to move my frozen feet and head "home". (Wherever that is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay....I know, I know not my best but it's what I had. I'm stuck on where I want this to go and I don't want to rush the story, but I think this fanfic will only have 10 chapters. Talk to me and let me know what you think and what you want to read in the following chapters. Inspire me please!


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